“Forever-thinking”

It is human nature to commit or grow used to something and then forever picture it in your future. If something is working so well for you why would you ever consider life without it? As we grow this way of thinking becomes less intense (because, in my opinion, we’ve experienced these things being taken away from us) but nevertheless is still there. A few years ago I got a matching tattoo of lyrics from a song by my favourite band with my best friend. Luckily The Maccabees are still my favourite band, but I don’t speak to the girl anymore. Every long-term relationship I have been in has included that little daydream of what our kids would look like despite not actually wanting kids any time soon.. if ever. However far up or down the spectrum of forever-thinking you are, we are all guilty of it at some point in our lives.

Even though I’m drifting aimlessly through life at the moment and no one thing or person has any promised stability for me, I’m happy. Ridiculously happy. “One door closes so another one opens” is such a cliché idea but one that I know I am a living example of. One day I’m going to settle down with a career, two-up two-down house, family of my own that loves me for me and maybe an aquarium. Right now is the time for living each day as it comes while I have no responsibilities or ties to anyone or anything. Anything I do to fuck up is something I have to recover from and doesn’t affect anyone else in the long-term. So why not take a risk on a big blow out and risk fucking up every now and again? I’m strong enough to recover and in the end it’s all worth it. I’ve always pined for stability – now I accept that there are positives to having no promises to anyone.